I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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