I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
