Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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