Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
