it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
