I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
