your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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