Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
