Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
