you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
