It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
