Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
