if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the condom got lost in my hair
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
