So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
