and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
