i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
