Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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