What did we do last night that was yellow?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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