My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
