Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
