I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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