brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What drink are we having for lunch?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
