Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
