I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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