i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
