I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
