is your mom at the bar?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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