my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
