I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
