are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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