the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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