I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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