Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
