Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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