Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
