I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
