I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
