Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
