I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
