When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
