Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
