I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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