I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
