The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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