I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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