you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
