playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
