I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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