my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
