Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We're too hungover to prance.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
