I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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